The one tradition that is genuinely documented
Which stones in grief?
This is where tradition is strongest, because it is historical rather than symbolic: mourning jewellery existed, on a huge scale, and it had a precise social function. The rest of the list is more recent and more uncertain.
Where the association comes from
From Victorian mourning, and that is a matter of record. On the death of Prince Albert in 1861, Queen Victoria wore black for forty years, and protocol required the court to wear black, matt jewellery. Whitby, a small Yorkshire port sitting on a jet deposit, counted up to two hundred workshops and more than fifteen hundred workers in the 1870s. Mourning jewellery was not a belief: it was a visible sign that told others what state you were in and how to speak to you. The pink and violet stones of the modern list belong, by contrast, to the usual symbolism of twentieth-century handbooks.
The stones tradition offers
What tradition suggests doing
Wearing it, simply. And this may be where the object means most: a piece that belonged to the person who died, or one bought at that moment, becomes a support for memory. Many families keep such a stone and pass it on. Nothing magical in that, and yet something real: an object can hold a memory, and taking it out of a drawer is a way of thinking about someone.
What a stone does not do
Grief is not a problem to be solved and no stone shortens it. What helps, in all the work on the subject, is other people: talking, being accompanied, not staying alone with it. If the pain settles to the point of preventing you from living, a doctor or a psychologist is the right address, and there is nothing weak about going.
The correspondences presented here belong to tradition and cultural heritage. They are in no way medical advice and never replace a consultation.
Frequently asked questions
Does mourning jewellery still exist?
Yes, a few workshops still work jet at Whitby, with material picked up on the foreshore after storms. Cliff extraction has been forbidden for decades.
Can you wear a dead person's stone?
It is the most widespread and oldest use. Have it cleaned and checked by a jeweller if it is set: the claws of old rings give way.
Is jet fragile?
Hardness 3, so everything scratches it, and it fears water as much as heat. It does not break easily though: it is tough and very light, which allowed the imposing parures of the Victorian era.